As we are preparing for our mother-daughter days this weekend at Chiltern Escapes a lot of brainstorming going on among us – Debra, the artist and founder of Minimonetsuk.com, Dyann, the host of the Chiltern Escapes and myself. We are aiming to create a very intimate and caring space in time and place where one could pause and rejoice in this powerful energy of the primary feeling or even instinct of mother-daughter love.
Debra is going to take our Friday group into the magic planes of artistic expression or application (whichever closer to one’s heart’s desire) where mums and daughters can work together on the same piece of artwork in the serene environment of the Chilterns Escapes where nature is only a step away.
For the coaching session we were discussing various topics touching on creating beautiful relationships. There are three main ingredients for those:
- The quality of our thinking about self and the other person one relates to, this depends on lots of things such as our beliefs and thoughts, our own and others’ six human needs met and not and more;
- Presence – are we with the person mentally as well as physically (there are different communication skills to explore and practice, which I will write more about in future posts);
- Time – as in time for communication (does anyone actually know that the best time for creating loving connection in family and relationship starts from 6 pm?:)) and time as in the feeling left behind after the time spend together which brings us back to the thinking mode.
For the purposes of the Escapes day we will only be able to reflect on the first subject – relationship to self, which starts with the quality of our thinking about self which affects how we relate to others. Here we are going to explore Tara Mohr’s Inner Critic and Inner Mentor from her Playing Big book.
The reason we are starting with Inner Critic is because feelings and emotions are our bodies’ physical reactions to our thoughts and beliefs. It’s a simple thing of thinking nicely of our selves, feeling great and then being able to act on it and produce better results.
And mother-daughter, mother-child connection is the most emphatic connection of all existing in human relationships. Empathy is our ability to feel what others feel. It’s been proven by neuroscience that the feelings experienced by mother are directly transmitted to the child, daughter in particular. So whatever a mother’s Inner Critic says rubs off on her daughter’s mind in no time! Affecting our daughter’s behaviour in a good way is possible only through love and it starts with addressing our own thoughts – negative and positive – whichever mother has her daughter will feel, too and it will show. In the end giving love means having it first.