Motivation – the Language of Choice

In my previous post I discussed two types of motivation ‘towards’ and ‘away’ and touched upon the middle stream a bit.

Towards dreams and desires (1) and away from fear (2), both involve the system of beliefs of what’s possible for me in this particular place and time. All of these beliefs are subject to definition which is why the coaching has great effect on performance. There is the third type of basic motivation which is social or environmental one (3). I simply get motivated by the people around me. Instead of running ‘proudly’ alone I invite a friend and two of us a better at it, I show up for them rather than staying in if I don’t feel like running this morning. The social circle that I mingle with is ought to rub off (the fairy dust) on me it’s up to me to choose it.

The middle stream mentioned above is that I stop chasing after dreams and run away from fears and find my ground from which to act. I find who I want to be and what’s important for me and work on principlehere and now rather than a dream of future or fear past/future and this is a different kind of belief system. Until I’m really strong at it the basic motivation is at play.

So today I want to explore that point when a person says I don’t have motivation, I have so much work to do and I cannot get myself round it.

What I hear here, first of all, is It’s not my desire to work (often at this particular job). It’s someone else’s will and basically I’m subject of coercion. In other words I have to work, but really I don’t want to. Autonomy – ultimately pleasure and satisfaction – is of a great value to our mind. In such scenario If I ask myself five ‘whys’ or ‘what happens if’ I quickly come to the base line that it’s in my personal interest to work and do stuff, because in the end I might be on the street and cannot satisfy my basic needs. If I don’t do it today, and repeatedly don’t do what ‘I have to’ eventually I get fired. Which I do not want. In other words I want to stay employed where I am and continue receive the benefits I have however unsatisfying (but it’s another conversation about motivation for change). The cost of inaction is too high, but that’s another form of fear or away motivation. At the point coaches find a leverage on people to be a greater self for the sake of kids, for loved ones, for anything is dear and close to heart. Here we ask the main question of life who is the person I’m want to be loved by. The figure shows up whose approval we seeking in life and that is a question of self-exploration that reveals your core motivation. Because we would rather be loved than do what we love. It’s a deeper question of our psychology everyone seeks/finds a resolution of at some point of their life, (you are welcome to explore it with a coach like me or other professional).

But here I wanted to go to a more imminent strategy.  The trick is to bring the ‘I want to’ to an earlier stage in the process before it is ‘fight or flight’ gun point.  Let’s explore the language I talk to myself with, whenever I say ‘I have to’ my mind is in the state of resistance and would do anything to avoid the action because it means pain. Our mind is a pain-and-pleasure slave and the main way it distinguishes one from another is the language we use when we talk to ourselves. Negative and/or passive forms of language mean pain, no autonomy, so no energy and resources for ‘I do not’, ‘I have to’, ‘I need to’, ‘I don’t want to’, ‘I hate to’, ‘I cannot’, ‘I must’, ‘I am due’, ‘I am required’, ”I have a problem’. Even without going deep in the chemistry of the brain switching the negatives into positives will immediately open up the energy channels and give us resources to complete any task at hand. The Bible said, In the beginning there was a word…

The solution is to employ the language of choice. Is is a conscientious effort we want to learn in order to progress in life. No one is there to give it to us or as they say, no one will show up in my life in the morning to motivate me, cheer me up and so on, but me. If I don’t show up… The simple first step is to start using the words of choice, ‘I want to’, ‘I like to’, ‘I enjoy’, ‘I choose’, ‘I do’. ‘I can’. If it’s not obvious in any one situation why I want to do something I can simply track down the chain of choice again, ask my self five ‘whys?’ or ‘what ifs?’ in order to find that point at which ‘I don’t want to’ switches to ‘I want to’. But when I cannot find that point, it may be means I want to change something, whether it’s the situation or myself. And that will be a new beginning a new channel for my energy as opposed to a block and lack of energy. Also great to remember that for my mind ‘I don’t want to be late’ and ‘I want to be late’ is the same, so I’m late. The mind functions properly when I say ‘I want to be on time’. Feel the difference? ‘I don’t want to be like my father’ has no difference to our mind from ‘I want to be like him’, it’s far more productive to find the one I want to be like, e.g. my grandparent. Basically any denial means the situation doesn’t exist, and if it does not exist my mind cannot deal with it. Acceptance is the only way.

To make it easier for our fearsome minds, it’s better to begin with the positive questions right away instead for looking for the point of switch. Ask, Why I want to do something? What good comes out of it? What I learn from something? Who I become through doing things? What and who can benefit from it? Any number of questions that lead in positive direction will set you mind right.

The challenge, of course, is that our mind has a negative bias often triggered by events, people, circumstances that make asking positive questions almost impossible. Once we train ourselves and  became aware of the trigger points that bring the bias on we can deal with it. The trigger points can be identified through simple careful observation, what switches us from good-nature relaxed state in to the tense stressed and fearful one. If all is not too bad, it’s possible to change my own state by many simple habits of exercise, priming, affirmations, day regime.

Nevertheless, it could be very difficult to even begin asking positive questions, start exercising and so on. Until we have strong conscious self the mind will always pull in the abyss. That’s why initially it’s helpful if someone else like a coach, friend, external event, new employment pulled us out of our own negativity. Remember last time when someone asked you to do something for them and you wasn’t sure but did it – you overcome your bias because you had the pressure from outside. Given a chance everyone can rise to the occasion. The greatness is to rise before the occasion shows up. These are the writers who write even though no one wants to publish them or despite being banned from, these are the athletes who train in middle of nowhere without any chance of getting in the competition, these are the leaders and entrepreneurs that do things before the funding shows up, that these are the scientist who follow the interest and not money and recognition, these are parents who bring children in this world, these are people who have will to live fully everyday even though death is inevitable or m.b. precisely because of it.

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I help women get in touch with their true selves, live authentic, happy lives and succeed on their own terms.

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